Have you ever wrestled with fear? This week I had to face a deep-seated fear as my peanut allergic child was going to eat 24 peanuts. Cue the terror.

Noah has been working through peanut OIT for one and a half years and this week was the culmination of all of his hard work, as he tested his tolerance to peanuts with a food challenge. It has taken his body 18 months to slowly increase his tolerance to something that previously tried to kill him, and I don’t say that lightly. Peanuts have been his body’s nemesis for years. He had his first reaction at 7-months-old after grabbing his sister’s peanut butter cracker. From there, the reactions only escalated. Several ER visits. Countless epinephrine pens. But, we started small and after 40ish doctor visits and dose increases, his body finally overcame. Well, almost…

When you end your peanut oral immunotherapy, you are given an option to complete a food challenge. In this challenge, the allergic person will take three times his maintenance dose, for us that was roughly 24 peanuts. THIS SEEMS CRAZY. I get it. I hear you. It is crazy, yet also necessary. Peanut is difficult food to determine a serving size or the grams of peanut protein in a food. Therefore, you can eat something that has the equivalent of 1 peanut in it or 20 peanuts. This is why it is so important to food challenge and ensure you are safe consuming large amounts of peanut before you free eat in your daily life.

We want total food freedom for Noah, so he can eat whatever he wants. But more so, we want to know without a shadow of a doubt that Noah is SAFE with peanuts. The choice was an obvious one for us, but we were terrified nonetheless.

The fear was compounded because after one month of eating 8 peanuts a day, Noah suddenly, out of the blue, got an itchy tongue and a few hives on his neck after his peanut dose. No problem really, except this came days before his food challenge. We could have postponed his challenge, but there were logistics which made that difficult.

We timidly dosed him the next day and he did fine.

We dosed him again, and again he did fine.

We decided to move forward with the food challenge.

Several friends and family asked me how I was feeling about the food challenge after I had shared about Noah’s recent reaction. The truth was, I was petrified, but should that fear hold us back?

One thing I have learned over the past 3 years on this OIT journey is to not listen to my fears. If I allowed my actions to be dictated by my emotion of fear, I would have never started this journey.

Just think of that. How much would we have missed out on? The healing we have witnessed in our son. The ways we have watched God provide for us over and over again. The countless snacks he has enjoyed, the freedom we have in traveling, eating out, or just being “normal”. The freedom from fear. We do not have to fear accidental food reactions and hospitalizations.

Our fear could have kept us from experiencing freedom. To live in fear is to live in true bondage.

I have learned to follow truth and not feelings that change like the waves of the sea. Our feelings are great indicators, but they should never be dictators in our lives.

So, what is this truth that I follow? I believe you find truth in the infallible word of God, the Bible. Before I move forward on anything in my life I ask if this aligns with God’s word. Then, I pray and ask God for wisdom. In James 1:5 it says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

When you walk with God, have a relationship with Him, talk with Him, pray and listen. He is faithful to answer. He may respond with a “no” or a “yes” or a “wait”, but I have found he never responds with fear. In fact, His response often brings peace, the exact opposite of fear.

Was it that easy, you may be wondering? Did I ask God about giving my son 24 peanuts, He said “yes”, and I moved forward in total peace? Sort of.

I did have peace. I had peace that God had called us to OIT for Noah. Peace that He had provided every step of the way. Peace that He wasn’t going to leave us now. We were to go forward and maybe Noah would pass, maybe he would fail, but I had peace that God was asking us to trust Him and try the challenge. Ultimately, He would keep Noah safe. Peace.

Yet, I was still afraid. But here is the key: I didn’t allow my fear to dictate my decision.

I followed my faith not my fear.

Slowly when we do that, our fear loses power, and as we witness God at work, our fear subsides and our faith grows stronger.

I have been practicing this a lot in the past three years and my faith continues to grow….and grow… and grow.

He has never left us, nor forsaken us. He has carried us when we could not walk. God has rescued us when we needed rescue. He has encouraged us and molded us and transformed us. But, He has NEVER left us.

This week my faith grew again, as I trusted and moved forward watching my son overcome his allergy to peanuts. Noah did it. We did it. God did it. All glory to Him.

Do you have a fear that has held you in bondage for far too long? Is it time to follow your faith instead of your fear?

Oh, I pray so! I pray that God will set you free.

Now, the next day my daughter brought me a live spider that she found crawling in her hair, and I just about lost my mind. So, we are all a work in progress here… one fear at a time, my friend.