I have been quiet these past few months, which loosely translates to, I have been busy with family life. Raising three kids and homeschooling them is a full time job. I know this intellectually, yet I seem to underestimate the enormity of it on a daily basis. Can anyone else relate? Do you have a full schedule. One that if you laid out on paper or shared with a friend, seems packed full, but yet, you still seem to want to add in more?
Of course I can write a book between the hours of 4 am-5 am, master that work-out schedule from 5 am-6 am, and add in grad school studying during my free weekends which do not exist!
I feel like I am the queen of having a full life, yet always dreaming of what else I can add, when in fact, I am doing plenty! Heck, I can barely get my laundry done most weeks.
Maybe, it is the fact that I am a dreamer. I love to dream big dreams. If I find a rare quiet afternoon, instead of going for a walk and enjoying the sun on my face, I tend to go on the walk and dream of 1,000 wonderful ways I should spend all of my new found free time. And by free time, I mean that 1 hour I had to exercise in the middle of the day.
In fact, I have a track record of over-committing. I have accepted this about myself. Here is some historical evidence of this problem gift so you understand my dilemma.
Age 17, senior year of high school. I take on a job working as a nursing assistant part-time, while simultaneously taking a full load at school and continuing with every extracurricular group or club under the sun. Age 20, while taking a full load of pre-med classes, I decide to pick up a nanny job working 20 hours a week. Age 25, while working as a full time nurse, I take on a second job as a home care nurse, because I have two days off during the week which naturally seems excessive to me.
Age 28, I have my first child. I continue to work 1 day a week at my nursing job and single parent while my husband travels on the road Monday-Friday for work. Age 29, it is time for a second child because this first one has grown too easy. Surely, I can handle more. Are you seeing the theme?
Age 30, my second child is born. Again, this seems easy. Keep working part time even though he proves to have medical needs that require time and attention. Age 31, we really should have more kids. We got this thing! It is a breeze. (I have a 2-year-old and 1-year-old.) Age 32, I have my third child, continue working part time, decide that the three kids are relatively easy to care for albeit busy, so I take on a nanny job once a week to help a friend.
Age 33, the nanny job went so well, I take on a full-time nanny job out of my house. Now I have 4 kids in the house ages 1, 3, 3, and 5. I’m still working one shift a week as a nurse, and since this all seems pretty chill, I decide to add homeschooling to the mix.
Finally, at the age of 35, I seem to gain some wisdom. The nanny job ends and I plan to focus on just my family for awhile as I continue to work part time, homeschool, and begin traveling with my son weekly for OIT treatments in another state. Yep, that’s right. I am spending every week waking up at 3 am and traveling with my then 5-year-old to receive medical care out of state, while then returning to work one shift at the hospital. Plus, don’t forget to bring those worksheets for homeschool, and be sure to keep up with the other little’s schooling at home!
Age 38, I finally said good-bye to a job that I loved. I just couldn’t juggle it all, and I hung up my nursing hat for awhile. It was getting to be too much. I guess even super mom has her limits. I decided to focus on my family, my son’s health, and homeschooling all three of my kids — a full time job.
Here I sit at age 39.5 and you’d think that I would have learned by now—life is plenty full! I didn’t even document the sports and activities in which all the children are involved, my husband’s job which continues to involve traveling away from home, or our new found love for travel which is a curse and blessing all at once. I mean someone has to pack the bags, do the planning, laundry, etc.
Life is rich, abundant, blessed and FULL!
I know that I am not unique in my circumstance. We all have full days for various reasons and schedules.
But my question is: Why do I still ponder adding in grad school, pursuing another nursing job, or starting a list of a million other projects I genuinely have no time for?
Maybe it is the blessing of being a dreamer, wanting to always shoot for the stars and achieve more than the calendar allows. One gift this problem provides is that I am rarely idle or bored. Ha!
I remind myself often that there is a season for everything. Maybe, some of my dreams are meant for a season ahead, one that is not here yet. Perhaps, but I certainly never want to miss the joys of my current season, because I am lost in the clouds dreaming of future ones. I want to relish in the moments that come with this season. My non-nursing, homeschool mom, driver to and from activities and sports, discipler of my children’s hearts, and keeper of my home season.
Ecclesiastes 3
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Are you like me? Are you dreaming big today in the midst of the chaos of your current season?
I hope we can all enjoy the season of today, friends!